Springtime Approaching

A haiku about spring:

just let yourself breathe

inhale the springtime flowers

exhale winter frost

This perhaps is the hardest thing about spring. It’s easy to say that when the warm days come around… Just enjoy them! However, it’s not always so easy when you live in the Midwest. No matter how pleasant and warm it is one day, the next may be 30 degrees colder! So to me, the warm spring days I’ve been yearning for all winter… Are only a tease! They only leave you with more longing for summertime to finally come around.

Research Topic

While looking through my dialectic journals I has some conflict as to what I would write about.
My first two posts were concentrated on more of the practical aspect of online relationships, while my second two were focused primarily on the emotional aspect of them. I figure I will have to somehow find a place in the middle, and be able to connect the two ideas together.
Maybe I will format is as a cause and effect kind of paper. So, I would go into detail about a certain aspect of these relationships, adding in support and data. After that I would explain the psychological side and effects from each of the factual points.

Changing Views of Women

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I think views of women are changing for the better, unlike some others who actually think they are getting worse.
For example, if this was a picture of a man lifting weights, it wouldn’t be anything special. It would be considered the “norm”. However, since this is a women, the photo raises attention… In a good way!

It makes women look strong and capable of doing things that were once considered only a man’s hobby or sport. With the man In the background of the picture, it demonstrates that men and women can successfully work in the same environments. This proves women to be equal to men, not having to have any special treatment or luxuries.

College Planning with Parents

Planning for college is obviously a pretty stressful time for most people. Taking your SAT/ACTs, visiting colleges, and looking at all the financial and scholarship information. All those things, parents are usually a part of! But what happens when they aren’t… Well, that’s the case I’m in.

It isn’t that they don’t want to help, they totally would be up for it all… Except not the schools I want. You see, It has always been my dream to go to college in California. However, my parents disagree and think that it is unnecessary and pointless more many reasons. They assume I just want to go there for the beautiful surroundings and beaches and warm weather year round. Obviously that’s a big factor, but not why I want to go.

The Universities of California for the most part are excellent schools which are pretty highly selective and have great programs for the majors I am interested in. THAT is the main reason I want to go.

Basically, they are very unsupportive of my California dreams and have their mind set on me going to a good school here in Chicago. As of now, I have my mind set to do what I want , as it is my life that I want to live. It’s just more motivation for me to do excellent on testing and keep up the good grades. Anything is possible with a lot of determination and hope.

Thoreau

“When we are unhurried and wise, we perceive that only great and worthy things have any permanent and absolute existence, that petty fears and petty pleasures are but the shadow of the reality. This is always exhilarating and sublime. By closing eyes and slumbering, and consenting to be deceived by shows, men establish and confirm their daily life of routine and habit everywhere, which still is built on purely illusory foundations.” -Thoreau

Here, Thoreau gives the idea that what you feel on the outside, doesn’t matter. It is a mask that you put on for society. For example, someone tells a joke…. And you laugh. It seems like the “normal” thing to do. You aren’t laughing or even smiling because you genuinely thought something was humorous, you’re doing it as a way of conforming to what is deemed as acceptable.

Thoreau also states the similar idea with fears. So many people will explain that their biggest fear in life is spiders or closed spaces. Those are “petty fears”. Do they really send your soul down a tunnel of doom when you think of them? Probably not. The real fears in life are deeper than that. They are the confessions we yearn t give, the guilt that we feel, or even heartbreak. But society shadows those types of real fear, and replaces them with insignificant ones instead.

We need not to be afraid of who we are. No one will live a truly happy life if they aren’t even living for themselves. When a person is in touch with their inner self and can be content with even their darkest side… That is when there is a purpose in their existence.

Narrative

February 22nd, 2006
So this is the first letter I am writing to you. I was told nobody will see these pages I write on, except for me. So that means that I can write about whatever I want right? Whatever comes into my mind- my supposedly “injured” mind. I hate it when they say that. Let me tell you, it is one of the worst feelings to be sitting in a room full of people with PHDs and white coats with stethoscopes telling you that you’re officially insane, when you know that you’re not. Then they go into telling you about how no one is aware of their insanity, but at that point I just zone them out. Of course I have my moments of doubt. Maybe I am insane, after all, here I am writing notes that no one will see. But I know one thing for sure, I don’t belong here. Not just in a mental health office, but in this entire world. My psychologist tells me that writing journal entries will help with my coping process. Don’t worry, she also tells me that it will come easier with time and my thoughts will seem more coherent and less of a rant. Although if I was totally honest, I doubt that they will.
But I suppose that’s what happens when you wakeup from a coma. At least, that’s what the doctors tell me.

February 26th, 2006
I’m sorry. I haven’t properly introduced myself! I feel silly saying that considering I’m in no place to be introducing myself. I know who I am! The basics are pretty much as follows:
-My name is Nicole Harvey
-I was born on December 9th, 1997
-I’m pretty short, only 5’1′
-Brunette
-I am an only child
-My mom is a fashion designer for Gucci and my father is a CEO
-I have been homeschooled by my grandmother since the age of 6
-I am not crazy!

Simple enough right? Exactly. So why is nothing the way it was? On my hospital wristband the name says “Michelle Fis.” My birthday suddenly changed its date to August 29th, 1997. I came home to find myself in the suburbs. A plain house in a plain neighborhood. No city lights, no limos. Of course at that point I wasn’t shocked to find out my “parents” didn’t have glamorous jobs. To make matters worse I have just been enrolled to the nearest public high school. The building itself looks like a jail, but nobody understands that this is all a big mistake! I am a different person than they think I am! Some accidental identity swap or something! I want things back to how they were!

The only thing I should add is, I am somehow in another body. I’m now a blonde, and not to mention nearly a foot taller. I can’t exactly explain that with my “identity swap” theory, but I rather not think about it.

March 1st, 2006
Ever since I’ve been on this planet, I’ve had the feeling that someday I will return to my past life. I’ll be back to my family; my mom and my dad, and my dog Yogi. Of course he is included into the family, as the story behind getting him is pretty much exact to how adopting a child would go. Not that I would know, I’ve never had a child adopted into my family. That is, until now. But that goes into a very complicated and confusing story, which I won’t bother telling you yet. Mostly because, honestly, I have no idea how the story even goes! As I write to you, I admit that I have no idea what I’m talking about.

Yesterday I asked my counselor if her calendar was misprinted… Only to have her giggle and tell me that I must not remember that there is no such thing as February 31st.
Yet, I know for a fact that my father’s birthday is that day.

I’m done with these journal entries. They are pointless and I repeat: I am not crazy! I don’t need counseling or therapeutic writing.